Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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