Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
