I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
