Your dad touched me again.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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