you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
