My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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