Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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