Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
