You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
