just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You need a sexual gate keeper
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
