i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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