I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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