I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
