I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
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NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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