I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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