Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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