no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
