i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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