All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
this will be a night to untag.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
