We're facebook friends in real life
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
