PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
