Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
