I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
