This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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