Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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