I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
