he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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