I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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