dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
