yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
