I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
