oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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