I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
