Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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