A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
