What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
