Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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