so let's talk penis.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
