No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
