He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
