When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
