im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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