I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
