Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
someone owes me an orgasm
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
