I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
