If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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