I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well you can't waste a boner
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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