I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
