I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize