420 ftw
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
