who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Randomize
