i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
