i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
