pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
