I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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