If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
