I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
