we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
