So drunk its hurt
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
