Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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