so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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