Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
