Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
