I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
