So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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