How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
