saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize