can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
