You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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