I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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