My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize