My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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