dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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