part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
