This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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