I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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