the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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