yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
