What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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