none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
