youre lurking in front of me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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