I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
